yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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