he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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