Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
