I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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