Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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