Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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