you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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