just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
