I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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