are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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