do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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