He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
