Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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