Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
