in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
