I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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