Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
