she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
