that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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