Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
