How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just high enough for therapy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
