So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
