I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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