he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
