weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
