I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
