We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
