Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
