You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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