just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
