is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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