I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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