Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
