You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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