I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
