Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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