WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
