Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
