Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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