Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
