I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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