end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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