Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Moan for me like Helen Keller
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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