i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
