Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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