Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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