I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
