Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
