this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
