The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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